I will never ever understand how you will always have your way with my heart. How I can forgive you for all the pain you have caused me, yet it all goes away in a blink of an eye. I forget it all and all I can think of is our never happy ending that we won’t get to experience. The happy ending that we both want so desperately for the two of us but deep down inside we have both accepted that it isn’t for the two of us together. And no matter how hard I try to accept it and no matter how much I know that is the truth, I can’t seem to let us go. You will always have a spot in my heart, whether I like it or not. And I will always be there for you. And I will always be the jealous girl on the sideline while you have some girl around her waist. I’m never going to be her. I lost my chance and so have you, to be my knight in shining armor. We both lead such different lives. We have our own lives. I have grown up. And you’re still that boy who left me. The boy who wants to have fun, the boy who never wants to grow up, the boy who wants to change but he can’t. Something is still holding him back.
It makes no sense at all.
As to why you are back together with him. You are fucking dumb to do that. And I do not think it is a proper way to respect your dad at all. The fact that you’re taking pictures of y’all all over each other on your dad’s bed makes me cringe. Your dead dad’s bed… the fact that you cook for him. YOU NEVER COOKED FOR YOUR DYING DAD. He cooked for you. He made sure you were fed before you did anything. He made sure you were full because your dad is a man that your “boyfriend” never will be. The fact that you cried more than you did over your break-up than your father’s funeral will never come to justice. I’m sorry but I felt sorry for you but now I don’t. Now that you’re back together with the dumbest guy in the world. You will never get it. You’re falling in love with him everyday? You’re suppose to mourn you fucking idiot. Do you even think of your dad? Or do you just constantly think of your boyfriend who you’re fighting for you guys’ love and future. You’re not supposed to fight for that. It’s supposed to come naturally.
people always said it wouldn’t be easy, and sure, i listened. i heard them, but i never fully understood until i had to experience it. it takes a lot of work and patience, the effort, the trust, everything, it’s a lot, but when you find something that’s worth all of that, it’s easier to hold on to…